


The Thief of Desitny

by LostLine



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bunch of vending machines, Fluff and Smut, Jongin is flirty and Baekhyun is flustered, M/M, a majestic cat
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:13:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23375944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostLine/pseuds/LostLine
Summary: Baekhyun's cat (sort of) steals Jongin's underwear. That's it. That's the plot. Also, Sehun gets it, like, all the time.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Kim Jongin | Kai
Comments: 20
Kudos: 73





	1. Baekhyun Gets a Cat, Sort of

When Byun Baekhyun got into his dream university, he thought he was ready. He had it all planned out, see? 

The first thing he did was to apply for a single room in one of mixed dormitories and badgered his parents into paying for the small room’s renovation when he got the approval.

“I can’t stay in that disgusting room!” Baekhyun had reasoned with them over dinner. “Dad, you know how filthy men are —”

“Ah, some women are worse than men,” her mother interjected. “I spent a whole year wanting to repeatedly smash my roommate’s head into a wall,”

Baekhyun grimaced and shrugged out of the disturbing piece of information as his father sniggered, shooting a loving look at his wife. 

“Who knows — the room probably wasn’t cleaned for years. I could get sick!” Baekhyun continued. “I’m your only child, and I’m staying in the dormitory for you guys!” he reminded them once again. 

His parents had made him even sign on a paper, saying how he will stay in the dorm for at least a year. They seemed to think that it was a safer option.

“It’s not even going to be that expensive. Just a tiny room with a tinier bathroom. We’ll get it cleaned, stripped down, covered and cleaned again.”

When his parents didn’t say anything and just continued to calmly eat their food, Baekhyun took out his wild card, “Can you imagine how much sex happened in that room?”

His parents froze, probably assaulted with unwanted memories of their university days resurfacing. 

“And how much masturbating got around —”

“Son — Baekhyun, we got it.” his father said. 

He looked like he was in pain, Baekhyun was delighted to see.

“So?”

“So, it looks like me and your father won’t get to spend two weeks by the beach after you leave,” his mother said softly, looking at nowhere. 

Baekhyun’s eyes narrowed. “You were gonna go on vacation after I left?”

His father cleared his throat and fidgeted in his seat. His mother snapped out of her blank look, and giggled nervously. She nodded at him to continue eating.

“I want that headphone, too,” Baekhyun said, chewing his food with a newly found appetite. “And I wanna take the vacuum cleaner, you guys can get a new one,” 

He leaned back on his seat, satisfied.

Her mother stared back at him, probably once again regretting giving birth to him.

And that was that. 

  
  


Baekhyun got his room covered in a soft grey carpet. It had a tiny entrance where three pairs of shoes could fit. A 120cm by 200cm bed was pushed into the left corner of the room. It had two drawers, which would work as both his wardrobe and cupboard since his room couldn’t accommodate them; one was jam packed with his neatly folded clothes, the other one just as full with food. His desk was placed on the right corner, facing the window. On the wall facing his bed, Baekhyun had his tv attached on it, so he could comfortably lean against the wall, stretch his legs on his bed and chill after a long day at school.

He bought all the assigned books, blew most of his saved up money for programs he was to master in the next four years, vowed to himself that he would finish homeworks, projects, and just any kind of assignments as early as possible, and then finally congratulated himself for getting where he wanted.

Byun Baekhyun was now officially a (proud) Graphic Design freshman at the EXODUS UNIVERSITY.

  
  


Then, all went to shit.

He should have listened to his parents on never ever taking an 8 AM class.

He shouldn’t have panicked and clicked on any kind of electives just because they were disappearing faster than the future of humankind.

He shouldn’t have shaken hands with one Park Chanyeol in that one class they have in common, because the dude was extremely loud and very pretentious.

Actually, he reasoned, maybe he shouldn’t have been born at all. Then maybe he wouldn’t have a sex-master-demon as his upstairs neighbour who had his partners (men and women alike) scream and scream in pleasure pretty much all night.

Mostly, Baekhyun just ended up very horny and very aware of his solo situation. Sometimes, he would manage to fall asleep, the moans working as a familiar lullaby. Few precious nights would be spent with complete, blissful silence and Baekhyun spent those nights getting his much-needed sleep. 

He wasn’t surprised though. He had heard countless crazy univeristy tales from his parents, uncles, aunties, older cousins and friends as he grew up. 

There were all the clichés. The jocks, the cheerleaders, the nerds, the geeks, the cool kids, the rich kids, the hipsters, the fuckers, the activists, the goody two shoes, the assholes, the pranksters … pretty much just Baekhyun’s whole school life again, but much more mature, unashamed, embraced and almost completely unsupervised. 

It was everything he had thought it would be and more. 

What he didn’t expect, what _did_ surprise him though, was a cat just casually strolling into his room one day, jumping up on his bed and curl into a ball and falling asleep after meeting Baekhyun’s dumbfounded eyes for a second. 

His first instinct was to kick it out and wash his sheets with boiling water. It was burned down right away though, Baekhyun took a moment to look at the big fur ball on his bed and his heart melted. 

He had never been allowed to have a dog or a cat as he grew up. His mother was severely allergic to cats, his father to dogs. It was like the gods decided he needed to be shat on a little since he was such a blessed child. 

Baekhyun touched one of the cat’s paws gently and almost whimpered in delight — it was so soft! The cat’s ears twitched a bit but made no objections.

He got out of his room and looked around the corridor. It was deserted except for a boy taking out some of the notices from a gigantic board so he could put on his own. 

“Hey, Kyungsoo, do you have a cat?”

Kyungsoo looked at him. He had some papers shut firmly between his lips. “Here?” he asked without opening his mouth.

“Yeah, here. There’s a cat in my room,” Baekhyun said, coming to stand by Kyungsoo now. He looked at the board. 

Kyungsoo was apparently selling a few of his books and threatening to kill the fuckers who kept masturbating in the common bathroom of their floor.

“I don’t think anyone brought a cat here,” Kyungsoo said. “I didn’t see one — isn’t it forbidden or something? To bring an animal?” 

Baekhyun mulled that over. It was true — you were not allowed to have a pet, exceptions were made for support animals, of course. He knew that a very pretty petite senior had the cutest corgi with her, who wobbled around the campus, his fluffy butt wiggling left and right. 

“Didn’t the cat have a collar?” Kyungsoo asked, finishing up his work. He crumpled up the old posters and threw them into the (recycling) trash bin. Baekhyun was pretty sure that Kyungsoo didn’t ask the owners if he could take down their pleas for the return of lost items, language exchange offers, self-promotions to find “friends” etc. 

Baekhyun blinked. “Eh…”

Kyungsoo snorted and led the way to Baekhyun’s room.

The cat had no collar. It was still sleeping peacefully on his bed.

Kyungsoo took a picture. “I’ll send this to the group chat,” he said. “Maybe the owner’s looking for it.”

“Yeah,” Baekhyun sat gingerly down on his bed, as close as he dared to be by the cat.

No owner came out for the cat, few offered to take it in, and so Baekhyun was free to claim the cat for himself in peace.

As it turned out, she (Baekhyun checked) wasn’t really into getting claimed by a human. She was extremely independent and spent very little time with him in his room unless she was sleeping. She went out in the morning and usually came back in the evening. During the weekends, she would let Baekhyun rub her belly and kiss her face, with a reluctant expression. 

So she wasn’t _really_ his cat, but people still came to him for stolen-food complaints, scratched hands, bitten fingers. Usually they just tossed her into his room without a word. 

  
  


Three weeks later, the pretty petite senior is the one who tells Baekhyun the mysteries tales of the cat.

She tells him that yes, the cat has been on their campus ever since she was a freshman (freshwoman?) and no, she doesn’t know if she belongs to someone — as far as she knew, nobody claimed her. And the cat never made it a thing to favor someone by sleeping in their room every night, so Baekhyun should be honored and serve her majesty the queen however he can, meaning he should wash her, take her to the vet routinely (the students will check her duh, they love the free practice, even the professors knew about her majesty the queen) and yes, he should, indeed, clean her butt from time to time. 

Baekhyun didn’t know where her majesty the queen got her food from (assuming _everything_ she ate wasn't stolen), she would eat whatever he put in her bowl (obnoxiously bright yellow one with a minion’s naked butt on the bottom) before leaving his room in the morning, and very rarely asked for food when she came back. So he just needed to always make sure to fill up her water bowl (this one was pink and had Adventure Time’s unicorn on it).

He named her Wi-Fi, to make sure that everyone would understand just how important she was to him — to everyone, really.

It didn’t take long for Baekhyun to find out that Wi-Fi was a thief, a notorious one at that. 

“Did you know that she steals stuff? Not just food?” Baekhyun asked Taeyeon (the pretty petite senior) on the phone. 

Taeyeon laughed before she answered. “What did she steal?” she said eagerly. “Yes, of course I knew!”

“Then why didn’t you warn me?” Baekhyun hissed into his phone.

“And where would be the fun in that? Besides, I thought she might not bring her winnings to you since she used to hide her belongings outside — she must really like you,”

Baekhyun flopped down on his bed. Annoyed and flattered. He held up the squishy silicon in his hand.

“I think she brought ummm … those things girls put in their bra? To make their boobs look bigger?”

Taeyeon’s delighted laughter was mixed with the barks of her corgi in the background. 

And it was just a rabbit hole from there on.

  
  
  


Things Wi-Fi brought to his room included (but were not limited to) : 

  
  


  * A small plushie of a smiley ghost with tiny arms. 



  * One pink sock with dick patterns (small size)



  * Three phone cases (not at once)



  * Empty noodle cup. (Baekhyun threw it away with disgust, after scolding Wi-Fi, who showed how she didn’t give a shit by walking away when he was mid-sentence) 



  * A pack of condoms.



  * Half-used tissue pack.



  * A small bottle of hand cream.



  * Very badly used notebook with more than half its papers ripped out.



  * One Kim Junmyeon’s student I.D



  * One Park Chanyeol’s mock test paper (result: 42)



  * A small notebook used to track one’s periods (Baekhyun returned the notebook to Sunmi, bowing to her deeply and offering some of his chocopies as a peace offering, who just laughed and cooed at him.)



  
  
  


And then one day, inevitably, it happened. 

He heard the familiar sound of Wi-Fi scratching his door and got up from his bed, where he was reading a book (Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë) and she was already meowing loudly when he opened the door. 

“One second,” Baekhyun said, “if you had just waited one more second — even half a second would have — what’s that? No, don’t bring that in! Damn it, Wi-fi!”

She strutted in with more dignity and swagger than any human royal, jumped up on his bed, and dropped a black pair of boxers. 

Baekhyun groaned in anguish and closed the door.

  
  


* * *

  
Please comment and let me know what you think ^^ I also got a twitter [@readandscream ](https://twitter.com/readandscream)come and talk to me?


	2. Day One and Two and Three

All in all, Baekhyun felt like how Tony Stark must have felt like the moment he saw the bomb in front of him had his name on it. There was a stranger’s underwear in his room — a bomb. And it was all his fault, since it was all Wifi’s fault — the name on the bomb. 

Okay, so not a great metaphor or observation or symbolism, or whatever that was called — Baekhyun knew it, normally he did, but he just couldn’t know it while there was A sTRaNGeR’S UNdeRwEAR (!!!!!!!!!!!!), a possibly dirty one at that, on his bed. 

And Wifi, his obviously deranged minded cat, had fallen asleep. 

Baekhyun made a whimpering, whiny sound and flapped his legs and arms around. Why him?  _ Whhhhyyy hiiiiim? _ Why a ( possibly) dirty underwear? 

He dug around his backpack and found a ziplock bag he had used last week to carry around his snacks, which proved to be a big mistake since he was surrounded by hundreds of assholes who were constantly hungry and ready to steal, or beg. Fine, they begged, but it felt a lot like stealing. 

“Yoooooouuuuu little …” Baekhyun whispered menacingly (he hated her but she was asleep), he glared at his cat as he picked up the underwear using the ziplock as a glove, then he flipped the bag around and immediately (feeling like just one layer of plastic bag wasn’t enough) picked up his shoe bag from the corner and put the bomb in it. 

He thought he took a whiff of laundry detergent — something soapy — but wasn’t sure. Baekhyun washed his hand and decided to draw up a shitty poster for the underwear. The owner had three — _fine_ , five — days to come collect his treasure, otherwise it was going to the trash. 

Day 1

Baekhyun woke up way earlier than he needed to because Wifi, for reasons of her own, decided to go out at six o’clock in the morning. She stood on Baekhyun’s chest and started to scream her head off right into his face. Unnecessary, mean and simply a douchebag move since Baekhyun wasn’t even a deep-sleeper. 

Huffing and puffing and grunting and complaining, Baekhyun opened the door for her. She was right behind him but stopped to take some sips from her water bowl. Then she stretched her body nice and long, yawned nice and long and then walked out of his room, ignoring Baekhyun’s ugly and long face.

Thinking he might as well start his day early for once and start doing some productive shit, like all those vloggers in his school, Baekhyun made his way to the bathroom.

Even this early, there were still few people in the gym. Baekhyun saw Bora, who had a few mutual classes with him and was an absolute ball of sunshine — always warm and energy-inducing. She looked like she was shooting an ad for sportswear. Her sports bra was matching with her tights, her long hair was tied up into a high ponytail and her body was glistening with her sweat. The morning sunshine seemed to shine only on her. As expected of the captain of the cheerleading team.

In the corner doing a very complicated move for abs, was Changmin. The handsome TA was responsible for (due to no fault of his) many heartbreaks, tantrums, small fights, nasty name callings, and then finally a huge gathering of apologizes and heavy drinking and ugly sobbing and shameful instagram posts when it was revealed that he was engaged. 

There was a figure on one of the benches, he had pulled on his hoodie and tied the strings tight around his face so it was impossible to tell who it was. It looked like he had slept the night in the gym. It was definitely a dude though, he was tall and lean and … Baekhyun recognized his sneakers and the backpack on the floor — Park Chanyeol. Baekhyun slowly backed away.

A tall girl, who was all legs, walked into the gym, clad in full makeup and matching workout outfits. Her blonde hair was perfectly done into a graceful messy bun. She stood in front of the window and took some selfies. Then she raised her wrist so her watch was in the view and took another series of selfies, turning her head into various angles, her expressions changing slightly with each snap. Then she flopped down on the ground with a groan. She caught Baekhyun watching her and grinned. “Got a sponsorship,” she explained. “I forgot I was supposed to upload the pictures today.”

Baekhyun nodded solemnly. It was incredible how well girls handled their shits. She was Nana, the school’s heartthrob. Her Youtube channel had over 2 million subscribers, and she had a real knack for making fun, colorful, outrageous outfits. She was also famous for screaming her lungs out when she danced.

Lifting up a bar that was probably most definitely twice as heavy as Baekhyun was, was Taecyeon, a famous grad student, who everyone thought should just stop being a student and start a full time career as a trainer. When he was not running or lifting or swimming or punching or rowing or competing, Taecyeon was found usually at the cafeteria with his friends. All loud and tall and hot and talented, but for some reason doomed to never get a girl move further than just being interested in them. 

Taecyeon also had this annoying habit of wanting to help people get fitter and was always willing to stay by their side and teach them for hours at an end — for free, he never asked for anything in return — so, naturally, Baekhyun chose the treadmill as further away from Taecyeon as possible and hoped the massive buff with fifty teeth (just see him smile once) wouldn't notice him. 

The massive buff with fifty teeth noticed him. So one and a half an hour later, Baekhyun dragged his body to the showers, and almost broke his nose by smashing face-first into a locker as Taecyeon smacked his back good naturedly and told him he did a good job. 

Wifi brought home a wholeass wallet into his room. It was filled with so much cash that Baekhyun shrieked loudly (iiiiiieeeehhhh!!!!???). Thankfully, there was an I.D inside. He was pretty sure that Kim Hyuna lived on the floor below him. So Baekhyun made his way downstairs, wincing with each step.

Day 2

There was a downpour of rain all day, Baekhyun had only two classes and both of the professors (a married couple) e-mailed everyone to let them know they were not driving in this weather to school,  _ especially _ for hopeless cases like them, so they — the hopeless cases — were welcome to shit and game all day, or whatever. 

Never the one to disobey a direct order from his teachers, Baekhyun happily spent all day in his room gaming and shitting. He ordered a double cheeseburger menu for himself, with extra cheese and extra big fries, and an extra big drink, with a note saying explicitly how they were NOT to trust any student who claimed to have ordered the food or offered to take it in. Wifi stayed in all day too and ignored Baekhyun, who was dumbfounded and personally humiliated to find out just how good twelve years olds were in games these days. 

Once the rain stopped, Baekhyun opened his window to let some fresh air in. Wifi went out (to shit, Baekhyun suspected). She came back just as the rain started again, and Baekhyun, after giving her a good bath and drying her up, gave her some treats for not stealing (or at least not bringing it back to his room) and played with her a bit. She let him rub her tummy. Then Baekhyun cracked open a can of energy drink and went back to getting killed by kids online. 

Also, his aching muscles were very thankful for him taking up a sloth’s daily routine for the day.

Day 3

Having decided to skip his morning class, Baekhyun turned off his phone and put up a sign on his room’s door before going to bed at four o’clock in the morning.

He woke up three hours later, when Wifi made a ruckus by jumping into his trash can. Cursing and mumbling and crying just a little bit, Baekhyun opened up the door for her and cleaned up the mess. It must be the sign from the heavens, right? His tooshyhole of a cat just happened to wake him up on the day he decided to skip school and disappoint his ancestors. Baekhyun slapped himself awake (it didn’t work) and went to the bathroom. 

The vending machine on Baekhyun’s floor was broken and empty. From what he understood from the note on it, someone had, quite literally, put their foot through it and tried to fight it. Having used his sound-blocking headphone as he gamed all day yesterday, Baekhyun hadn’t heard a thing. 

“Morning,” Kyungsoo greeted as he came out of his room. “What’s up with you?

“Mo - moooo - oooorning,” Baekhyun yawned. “I slept really late — was gonna skip class but Wifi woke me up. What did you do yesterday?”

Kyungsoo chuckled. “I saw Wifi from the window just now. Some girls were giving her something to eat.”

Typical. 

Baekhyun followed Kyungsoo to the stairs (the elevator was never really worth the wait, especially if you were going down). “I still went to my cooking class,” Kyungsoo said. “Then I did my laundry, even washed the curtains. Changed my beddings. I was just thinking about getting ahead on my homework when Chanyeol started hollering at the vending machine —”

“So it was Chanyeol?” Baekhyun gawked.

“Yeah, how did you miss it?”

“Was gaming. How was it? Was he drunk or high?”

Jongdae, an architecture major, passed them by the stairs. By the look of him, he was just coming back from wherever he was last night. He was clutching onto a huge file and was muttering to himself, his eyes had a maniacal glint in them.

“I think both,” Kyungsoo said happily. “I have videos to blackmail him later on.”

“Nice! What do you want from him though?”

Kyungsoo shrugged. “Nothing right now, but it’s always useful to keep stuff like that around. I’m sure he’ll come up with something.”

“Send them to me? I really need a good laugh, maybe it will wake me up a — no! Fucker did this one too?”

The vending machine in front of their dormitory building was also out of order. Someone had also emptied this one. “Dunno — probably,” Kyungsoo laughed at Baekhyun’s misery, which seems to be the nature of their relationship. “What did you want?”

“Coffee or energy drink or anything that will keep me awake for the next two hours.”

Kyungsoo clicked his tongue. “Bad luck, man. Should have told me. I had some instant coffee in my room, and you could have used the kitchen.”

Baekhyun made a disgusted face, to show Kyungsoo he was disgusted. “I’ll never use that place. People hook up there!”

“Who?” Kyungsoo asked, his round eyes bulging out. Huh, who knew the infamous short psycho (with a cute butt, they all said) of the Ceramic Arts and Ceramics was such a gossip-lover…

“I don’t know. It was like two o’clock in the morning, the first week of school. I went down to wash my mug since it felt weird to wash it in my bathroom’s sink. And there they were, going at it like bunnies. I was listening to music so I hadn’t heard them, and they hadn’t heard me approaching because, well … because —”

“They were too busy fucking,” Kyungsoo finished for him, looking thoughtful. 

After waving Kyungsoo bye, Baekhyun dragged his body to the classroom and slumped down on his usual seat. There were three whole minutes until the class started, so, naturally, very few people had arrived. The door swung open with a creak and Baekhyun automatically turned his head towards it. A guy he had never seen before entered. He pushed his hair back as he looked around, spotted Baekhyun, smiled and made his way to Baekhyun with long, determined strides. 

Dumbfounded, Baekhyun just gaped like an idiot and the stranger sat down right next to him. But so many other places to sit, Baekhyun thought, not sure what to make of this. 

“Hi,” the guy said. His eyes were droopy and his hair was falling into them. 

“Hi,” Baekhyun said back and then stared at the whiteboard.

“I’m Jongin,” the guy — Jongin — said. 

“Nice to meet you, I’m Baekhyun.”

“Baekhyun,” Jongin repeated. “Pleasure’s all mine.”

Baekhyun didn’t say anything to that, because he didn’t know what he should (or want to) say to that. Was … was Jongin flirting? Hitting on him? Just like this? In the middle of this cursed morning? Or was he just one of those smooth friendly people who were nice to everyone and were loved by everyone in return?

“Settle down, settle down, all you miserable people,” the professor had arrived. He took off his coat, snapped his finger at a random student who jumped out of his seat to hang the coat. Some students laughed.

“So cute,” the professor said, nodding to himself. “Fresh meat is the best. Now, let’s take the attendance and see who managed to get up.”

“Please, Professor,” a girl said from a corner. “My friend is coming, she said she’ll be here in a minute,”

“Tell her I’ll admit her only if she brings my favorite classic donut with her. Do you know where they sell my favorite donut?"

“Y-yes, sir,” The girl started to type on her phone frantically. 

Jongin giggled. He had put his head on his arms — classic sleeping position. But he had decided to face Baekhyun’s way and his eyes were pretty much open. Then he let out a huge yawn and Baekhyun found himself yawning back. His eyes even watered a bit. Jongin looked extremely happy about that, for some strange reason, and Baekhyun couldn’t help but smile back. Jongin’s droopy, calm happiness was easy and infectious. 

“Oh Sehun?” the Professor called out.

“Here!” Jongin said, and thrust his hand in the air, his eyes still on Baekhyun, who was staring at his notebook but still felt Jongin’s eyes on him anyway.

The Professor squinted in their direction for a second before continuing. “Hwang Chansung?”

So he was covering up for a friend. That was… nice. Baekhyun braved another look at Jongin and found him still looking at him. It wasn’t intimidating nor did it make him feel uncomfortable. It was… flattering. If only they had met when Baekhyun wasn’t feeling his body sort of go away from him.

_ What? _

Jongin was slowly lifting up his head.

His body went cold and distant and even though he was sitting, Baekhyun felt weak and he was swaying. He was gonna fall and maybe he was gonna throw up first? Why … his body was empty and he just needed to lay down. Yes, lay down …

Someone was calling his name. The Professor? No, Jongin? 

Baekhyun wanted to open his eyes but they were so heavy and he just wanted to sleep. He was so weak, and it took tremendous effort to open his mouth and say he was OK. Did he just say that? He must have, he felt like he did, or was that simply because he thought about doing it? Like, how you imagine yourself going to the toilet when you’re too sleepy to wake up properly and go to the toilet …

Warm. So warm and solid. Someone was talking to him. Made no sense to him. Baekhyun just wanted to sleep and he still couldn’t open his eyes and his body was still so cold and empty but heavy. Someone touched his forehead and there were some rusting and soft words. Baekhyun saw some light but then he drifted off again …

When he came around, Kyungsoo was sitting on a chair by his bed, reading a small book he always carried around. He looked at Baekhyun and put his book away. “Hey, how are you feeling?” he asked, his voice uncharastically kind. 

“Good? Did I faint?”

“Yes. What are you, twelve? Can’t handle a few hour’s sleep loss?” 

Baekhyun pouted and Kyungsoo sighed. “Don’t give me that look, do you know how scared I was when I saw you at some stranger’s back?”

“Stranger’s back?”

“Yeah, Professor Tablo was leading the way and this tall dude was carrying you.”

_ Jongin? _ “Was he handsome? Black hair and long legs —”

“The fuck should I know? A giant goldfish could have been carrying you and I still wouldn't have noticed more than I did.” Kyungsoo frowned and exhaled through his nose.

“Awww —”

“Shut up. You scared Wifi,”

Baekhyun blinked and looked down at the foot of his bed. Wifi was fast asleep, curled around between his feet. It was both an endearing and strange sight; Wi-Fi only ever slept at the best spot, whether it was offered or not.

“What’s she doing here?”

“Taeyeon sunbae brought her in. Apparently she came here to get some pills for her headache and she saw you coming in. Then she saw Wifi outside the door, trying to get in. This cat is weird.” Kyungsoo said, petting Wifi's small head affectionately. 

Tears welled up in his eyes and Baekhyun sniffled. “Why are you crying?!” Kyungsoo yelled at him, horrified. 

Baekhyun shook his head. “I don’t know — maybe it’s something they gave me.”

Kyungsoo snorted loudly and Wifi’s ears twitched in annoyance. “They gave you nothing, you idiot. You just needed some rest.”

_ Ah _ . “hehe,” Baekhyun grinned, feeling sheepish. He poked Wifi with her foot (gently, of course) and the cat opened up her eyes. She stared at him for a few seconds before coming to rest on Baekhyun’s stomach. She did (probably deliberately) step on his crotch, twice. Baekhyun stroked her back and she happily purred. It was a pure bliss. 

“So, where is the — did you talk to the guy who brought me in?”

“No, he was here and then he left. Just a little bit ago, actually, I think. I was kind of ignoring him.”

“Of course you did,” 

“Why?”

“Well, I wanted to thank him, you know?” Baekhyun said, feeling defensive. Inside his stomach, things were happening. Not everyday you got a grinning stranger save you.

“Why?” Kyungsoo said again. “You like him or some — oh, shit! You do!”

“Shhh!” Baekhyun hissed. “I don’t even know him. I only saw him today and said hi, that’s all. Besides, maybe it’s not him. Maybe we’re talking about different guys.” He didn’t like that thought at all. Jongin was sitting next to him, so surely it was him?

The school nurse came out of her office and checked up on Baekhyun. She gave Baekhyun some rice balls she had made that morning, stood by him and watched him eat all of it. Then she filled up some forms, had Baekhyun sign it, and then gave a full lecture about getting decent food and sleep and how he was a grown man now, who should do better. Kyungsoo, the asshole, nodded along with everything she said. 

Kyungsoo said he would go get Baekhyun’s stuff from the classroom, so Baekhyun made his way back to his room, clutching the nurse’s note that would excuse him from the rest of the class of the day and tomorrow’s. Wifi walked beside him for a bit and then wandered off in a different direction. 

Baekhyun wondered when he would see Jongin again. Were there many Jongin’s at school? His Jongin was the only one he even heard of though, so maybe there was hope. But then again, how would he find him? Walk around asking for people if they knew a tall, handsome Jongin because he may or may not be —

“Baekhyun!” Chanyeol boomed. He pulled Baekhyun into a bone-crushing hug. “I heard you fainted! Are you okay? Should you be walking around like this?”

“No,” Baekhyun replied, his voice muffled because his face was smashed into Chanyeol’s chest. He was pretty sure his feet weren’t touching the floor. “Lemme go, I wanna take a nap.”

“Sure, sure,” Chanyeol said and he put him down. “Come to my room when you’re better okay? My mom sent me a bunch of food and I blew away the money she sent me for fridge, so I gotta finish them before they go bad.”

Baekhyun laughed weakly and nodded. He was starting to feel better already. 

  
  
  



	3. The Flustered One

“He has my bag?” Baekhyun asked.

“He has your bag, apparently,” Kyungsoo answered.

“Apparently he has my bag?”

“It seems so, yes,”

“He has my bag.”

“He has your bag.”

“... Jongin has my bag,”

“Yes, it seems this Jongin has your bag,”

“Jongin will come here with my bag,”

“Unless he’s willing to go to jail for the junk you have in your bag, then, yes, he should be coming here with your bag,”

“He has my bag,”

“He has your bag,”

“Jongin has my bag,”

“For fuck’s —” Kyungsoo began angrily but then stopped himself. He took a deep breath and forcefully plastered a smile on his face. Apparently he was not going to yell at Baekhyun or attempt to kick him (which happened daily) while Baekhyun was not feeling well. “Yes, this Jongin dude apparently went back to your class and got your stuff,” he said instead. “That’s what this girl told me when I woke her up and asked her who took your stuff. Now, get some rest. I’ll whip up something for you, and yes! I’ll clean the surface before I start cooking,” he added, because Baekhyun had shown every bit of sign of opening up his mouth and protesting about eating anything that came out from that kitchen.

Wifi strolled in when Kyungsoo opened the door. She nuzzled her head and her body against his leg and Kyungsoo stood there, honored.

“Stay in bed,” he said sternly to Baekhyun after a minute and closed the door.

Wifi jumped up on his bed and Baekhyun took a hold of her quickly and put her on her back. She, knowing what was to come, made a face but otherwise stayed still, with her legs in the air and paws folded (ridiculously cute).

Baekhyun brought out a pack of antibacterial tissues and started cleaning her feet. When he was done, Wifi kneaded into his pillow for a bit, cleaned her face for a bit, and then curled up into a ball. She was asleep in seconds.

Baekhyun lied down on his other pillow, facing Wifi’s back. He ran his hand up and down her back and thought about the stranger — Jongin.

Jongin, who had, like, said two words at him and smiled at him and then … took him to the nurse when Baekhyun fucking fainted on him and stayed there waiting and then went back to get his stuff. Jongin, who… was probably the one knocking on his door right now.

!!!!!!!

Baekhyun sat up abruptly and Wifi opened up her eyes to glare at him. “Sorry, sorry,” Baekhyun whispered and patted her head as he got up from the bed. He called out, ‘Coming!” and then quickly tried to fix up his hair on the mirror he had stuck on the wall, it was a gift from Kyungsoo. Baekhyun was pretty sure it was taken from Chanyeol.

Jongin was standing by his door, a small shy smile on his face. Looking as handsome as Baekhyun remembered him to be (Yes, yes, he was being dramatic. Let him be).

“Hi, the nurse told me you left. So I asked around and — here,” he held out Baekhyun’s backpack.

“Thank you,” Baekhyun mumbed, he found it hard to match his gaze with Jongin’s, which was warm but intense. “Umm … so, where did — how did you find me?”

Jongin smiled and rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, it seems like my best friend knew where you lived all along, and he just told me today,”

“Your best friend?”

“Yeah, Oh Sehun? I was supposed to cover for him this morning. Turns out he lives right on top of you. Actually I’m right on —”

“That’s your best friend?” Baekhyun shrieked and then felt himself going red. He hadn’t mean to interrupt Jongin like that, but that sex maniac was Jongin’s best friend?! What the actual fuck, and to think Baekhyun went to yell at him just the other night.

“So I hear you yelled at him just the other night?” Jongin asked, chuckling happily. He looked way softer and cuter when he smiled, Baekhyun thought.

“Well, he wouldn’t stop — I mean, I needed to sleep but he kept —”

“Fucking,” Jongin finished for him helpfully.

Baekhyun flushed and nodded. Jongin had looked straight into his eyes as he said fucking.

“Yeah, he does that. Apparently he was getting the best head of his life this morning, so he begged — didn’t work — and then bribed me into going to his class.”

What kind of sick psycho was this Oh Sehun? Baekhyun didn’t know everyone in his class, and he hadn’t really paid attention when people answered the roll calls. He was pretty sure that Oh Sehun wasn’t a big deal though; if he was good in class, or anything, Baekhyun would have known.

“He doesn’t talk much around strangers,” Jongin said, as if he knew what Baekhyun was thinking about. “He’s tall? Kinda handsome and blond and has wide shoulders? Quite pale?”

Baekhyun’s mouth fell open. “Really nice ass?”

Jongin hissed in through his teeth and grimaced. “Please don’t say that again —”

“Oh! I’m sorry, it just came out…”

“It’s fine, it’s fine! I was just kind of hoping maybe you would notice _my_ ass, so I’m not really into you thinking my best friend has a nice ass, you know?”

Wow. Jongin really just said that. With a straight face. And that quiet tall hot dude with a really nice pair of ass was Oh Sehun? He never said a word, at least Baekhyun had never heard him talk. And he was the sex demon… and, most importantly, Jongin wanted Baekhyun to notice _his ass_.

Baekhyun pursed his lips together, keeping his laughter in. Jongin smiled happily.

“You’re really cute,” he said. “I’m sorry you aren’t feeling very well today. I had been hoping to ask you out on a date, you see?”

“You-you were? But I don’t do dates — I mean, I do, I would... but not dates like that.”

Jongin nodded slowly. “Ooookay. So what kind of dates do you do? Maybe I can take you out on them?”

“I don’t go on a date with strangers,” Baekhyun said, a little harshly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound so harsh. I just… go on a date with people I’m already seeing, you know? Going on a date to see how it would turn out, just sounds too awkward for me.”

Shit. He blew it. Casual dating was the thing to have in college, and they were, like, only freshmen, and what he, Baekhyun, had just said was screaming SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP, even though he hadn’t meant it like that. Truly. He wanted a relationship, but wasn’t looking for the one, or anything. Just a normal relationship with a person he liked and — He had to stop panicking. Like. Right. Now.

“Aaaaah,” Jongin pretended to stroke the beard he didn't have. “So basically you want to get to know me and like me first. Then, I’m allowed to ask you to be my boyfriend?”

Allowed to ask…

Baekhyun pouted. “I just sounded like a douche, didn’t I?”

Jongin shook his head, still smiling at him gently. “Nope, I think it’s cute. You want to go out with a person you have feelings for, call me crazy but I’m gonna say that’s a slightly sane thing to do.”

“I’m really flattered, thank you…” Baekhyun rubbed the side of his nose with his knuckle.

And there went his chance with Jongin, who was probably thinking Baekhyun was still a baby who clung on to highschool romance. Maybe he should have accepted Jongin’s offer on the date. He didn’t know Jongin, but he definitely liked him. What could go wrong if they had a bite together? He was just about to tell Jongin he had changed his mind when Jongin spoke.

“So, then, can I try and woo you from now on?”

Baekhyun scoffed. “Woo me?” Why did that make him sound like a cow?

Jongin nodded. “I’m going to get you like me, Byun Baekhyun. So can I?”

Baekhyun gulped and just nodded weakly. Jongin was way way too flirty.

Jongin beamed. “Great. Now as much as I would have loved to be invited in —”

“Oh so sorry! Come in!” Baekhyun jumped. He threw his bag into the room and stepped back, but Jongin stayed where he was.

“I’d love to, trust me.” he said and winked at Baekhyun. “But I’d also love it if you would get some rest now. And by the way, I live right on top of Sehun. Thought you should know, just in case. If you want to find me — can’t believe we never ran into each other...”

Then he gave Baekhyun a small wave and closed the door. Baekhyun, with his heart thundering inside his stomach, slowly sat down on the floor.

What the fuck had just happened?

Kyungsoo came not long after Jongin, bearing fried rice (in this case, rice mixed up with egg, ham, sausage and some french fries). He also brought some homemade kimchi. Baekhyun ate it up greedily. He practically devoured the whole thing before having the common sense to think that maybe Kyungsoo would have liked some too.

“Ehhhh … do you want some?” He offered the three grains of rice stuck on the bottom of his bowl.

Kyungsoo made a straight ‘I’m so done’ face, like the ones one could see in the hit tv show Office. If there was a camera in Baekhyun’s room, Kyungsoo would have looked straight at it. “No thank you,” he said, in a tone as dead as his face. He continued to pet Wifi, who had honored Kyungsoo by settling on his lap. An unrelated note: Kyungsoo kept feeding her some sausage whenever she made a move to walk away.

“Thanks, Kyungsoo. So glad I know you,” Baekhyun drank up his glass of water and then burped loudly.

Both Kyungsoo and Wifi gave him the same looks of revulsion.

Baekhyun went into bed early that day. Wifi didn’t steal anything, and just stayed with him. He slept for sixteen hours straight and had a handsome man with a flirty smile go in and out of his dreams.

Day 4

Baekhyun felt as good as new when he woke up, and his mood had this glittery, fluttery feeling attached to it. He emptied his bladder, giddily. He washed his face and brushed his teeth, happily. He opened up his favorite singalong playlist and took his shower, energetically. At the end of it, he filled up a small bucket with ice cold water and dumped it on himself. He shrieked and gasped and laughed loudly. It was ridiculous, really.

After getting dressed, Baekhyun went to Kyungsoo’s room for food. Kyungsoo had been sleeping, but he shoved small containers with rice, kimchi and boiled egg onto him and went back to his bed, cursing Baekhyun to hell and back.

When he was done eating, Baekhyun opened up his window and vacuumed his room. He cleaned his shower stall, the sink, the toilet and wiped the mirror. He even washed the bathroom’s floor. There was something calming and rewarding about cleaning. It had its own unique nobility. Baekhyun made his bed, dusted all surfaces, thoroughly cleaned his computer and cleared out his backpack. After filling up his laundry basket and folding his clean clothes, Baekhyun sat down to get some of his homeworks done.

Of course, that was when Wifi returned with a pair of airpods and dumped them by his feet, looking extremely pleased with herself.

Baekhyun wasn’t even mad, he just giggled and gave Wifi some treat. She meowed loudly, probably displeased at the lack of pain on Baekhyun’s face.

Thinking there was only one person in his dormitory (that was were most of Wifi’s victims lived) who had their airpod lying around without its case and hadn’t shrieked the students half-deaf when they noticed the earphones were missing, Baekhyun made his way to Kim Junmyeon’s room, who just happened to be the sex demon’s — Oh Sehun now — neighbour on the leftside.

Kim Junmyeon was only a year older than Baekhyun but was quite famous throughout the school for his talent in the sculpture field. There were some who called him a Human Sculpture, but there were also rumors going around that Junmyeon himself started the nickname. So… there was that. He was still nice and friendly though, and had once bought Baekhyun a mars bar when he found Baekhyun kicking a vending machine because it had eaten his money. That was how they had met.

Junmyeon’s door was open and he was sitting on the floor, hugging a huge bag of flour. His room was as messy as Baekhyun’s was clean. Dirty laundry hanging from all available surfaces. A small workout machine was almost buried underneath them. Junmyeon’s and his roommate’s desks barely had any empty space and were straining to stand underneath the weight of numerous books, notebooks and all sorts of trash.

“Hey,” Baekhyun started softly. Junmyeon was just sitting there, hugging a bag of flour, and staring at an unknown spot.

Junmyeon looked up and smiled weakly. Clearly, his eyes were not really seeing.

“Are you high?” Baekhyun asked, frowning and started to sniff around. Junmyeon’s roommate was a notorious weed lover.

“No?” Junmyeon said and then giggled. “I’m not. I just didn’t sleep because I started a big project and got carried away.”

“What is it?”

Junmyeon didn’t answer for such a long time that Baekhyun thought he had fallen asleep with his eyes open, or he had died. But then, “I don’t know,” he said. He looked up at Baekhyun again. “What are we anyway? What are things anyway? I call my bag a bag because it’s the name humans gave it, otherwise, we don’t know, you know?”

Baekhyun didn’t know — okay he knew what Junmyeon was trying to say, but was not going to get into it. So he just nodded and showed the airpods to Junmyeon. “Are these yours?”

“Ah,” Junmyeon looked down on the floor, where his empty case was. “The cat is gone.”

“Yeaaaaah, sorry about that.” Baekhyun put the damn things back into the case. “And you should be getting some sleep then eh?” he said to Junmyeon gently.

From up close, it was easy to see the dark blue lines underneath Junmyeon’s pale face. His eyes were also bloodshot. Junmyeon nodded but didn’t move.

“Why do you have so much flour anyway?” Baekhyun said, trying to get Junmyeon let go of the sack.

“It’s my cousin’s birthday present. She’ll love it.”

Baekhyun stared. “You’re going to give your cousin a bag of flour for her birthday.”

Junmyeon’s eyes drooped down and then started to nod off. Baekhyun, taking this golden opportunity, slapped him. Hard.

“What the fuck?” Junmyeon’s eyes snapped open and he looked, for the first time today, straight at Baekhyun. “Did you just slap me?”

“No, protected you. There was a mosquito on your cheek — come on, get up. You need some sleep.”

“Oh, okay.” Junmyeon slowly let go of the bag of flour and got up. He still looked extremely out of it, thankfully. “You just saved me.”

Baekhyun nodded, trying to look as serious as possible. “Yes, a drop of your blood. I’m amazing like that. Come on — there you go, well done.”

He covered up Junmyeon with his blanket and went to shut the blinds. Then, unable to help himself, he picked up some of the trash that littered the desks: snack packages, empty cans of energy drink, soda and beer, printed out to-do list page that had last month’s date on it but hadn’t been otherwise filled in, two tiny pencils, and one at least 80% burned book. Baekhyun put them into the trash can that was standing between the desks and was already filled up to the brim, stepped on them furiously to get them down, wrapped up the trash bag and pulled it out.

When he turned, he found Jongin standing by Junmyeon’s door, leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed and an amused smile on his lips. He looked extremely dashing in his neat and casual style of button up shirt tucked into his jeans.

“Hi,” he said.

Baekhyun smiled nervously. “Hi, Jongin. Good morning,”

“Good morning.”

“How… heh, how long have you been standing there?”

“Long enough to see you slap Junmyeon, using an unexisting mosquito as an excuse.”

Ah…

Baekhyun took a careful look at Junmyeon, and was relieved to see him fast asleep with his mouth open, like a dummy.

“I had to take it,” Baekhyun said, feeling sheepish.

Jongin grinned. “I wouldn’t have missed it for the world, had a chance like that was ever given to me. Come, I’ll take that.” he pointed at the trash bag Baekhyun was holding.

“What were you doing here?” Baekhyun asked, as Jongin walked him back to his room.

“I have a class in a bit and Sehun had my laptop so I came to get it,”

“Why did he have your laptop?”

“He … uh …” Jongin chuckled. “He had an accident and spilled coffee all over it. It’s broken. The coffee was apparently scorching hot. His new laptop hasn’t arrived yet.”

Baekhyun grimaced. He almost fell bad for the sex demon, but he didn’t, of course. The man was a menace to the general public. Just how much sex could one person have? And just how good was he that people made sounds like that?

“Was it a sex accident?”

“Naturally. It happened like two weeks ago, actually. But he was too chicken to tell his mom how he broke his computer; it was new and everything. So I had to take the blow and call her and tell her that I spilled my drink on it and broke it.”

“What’d she say?”

“She just laughed. She likes me, but she definitely would have snapped Sehun in half, especially if she somehow found out how he broke it.”

“You should have let her,” Baekhyun mumbled before he could stop himself. It would have been kind of hard to have crazy amount of mindblowing sex if you were dead.

Jongin just giggled at that and bumped slightly onto Baekhyun’s side. It was such an endearing action, as if they knew each other for a long time. Jongin’s presence was so weird, it was familiar and felt safe.

“Well, tada!” Jongin gestured at Baekhyun’s door as if he was presenting the highlight of a magic trick. “Are you excused today as well?”

Baekhyun nodded. “Yeah, and then I’ll have the whole weekend. I feel better already though.”

“It’s good to be sure,” Jongin said, nodding along. And he stood there, still holding Junmyeon (and his roommate’s) trash.

“Well, then —” Baekhyun began but Chanyeol passed by them, he was on the phone but perked up when he saw Jongin. “Hey, Jongin, what’re you doing here?”

“Looking at my crush, hoping he’ll kiss me goodbye,” Jongin replied, not looking at Chanyeol, but at Baekhyun, who knew his ears were turning red.

Chanyeol twirled around with round eyes, grinned and put out a giant thumbs up at both of them and then disappeared down the stairs. “Yes, mom, I’m listening…”

“Well, then, bye!” Baekhyun quickly kissed Jongin’s left cheek and then just as quickly dashed into his room, slamming the door unnecessarily hard. He thought he heard Jongin chuckle on the other side. Baekhyun was doomed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you, too, spent your day hugging a bag of flour, I want you to know that that is totally okay.
> 
> I got Twitter and I think I might keep it, so come and talk to me?
> 
> https://twitter.com/readandscream


	4. Jongin's Day

One lazy Friday afternoon, Kim Jongin sat with his best friend, Sehun, under a big oak tree, waiting for Sehun to finish talking about his latest sex extravaganza, so they could go get jackhammered in Jongin’s room. As Sehun neared the  _ climax _ (see what he did here? hehe) of his story,  _ the prettiest  _ laughter swam into Jongin’s ears. Jongin turned his head and saw  _ the prettiest _ guy walking along the path by him and Sehun’s tree. The guy was animatedly talking to a petite blonde, and laughed again as the girl shrieked at what he was saying. His ears stood out and his eyes were bright with mischief.

“Jongin — are you listening?” Sehun waved his hand in front of Jongin’s face. 

Jongin caught the offending hand and held it down. He made a shushing sound to keep Sehun quiet, then he watched the pretty guy with the pretty laughter round a corner and disappear out of his sight.

Sehun yanked his hand away. “What is it? What’s wrong? Why is your face like that?”

As if coming out of a trance, Jongin gulped and licked his lips, trying to form a coherent thought. “Do you know him?” he said at last. “That guy just now, with the blonde. Sehun, do you know him?”

Sehun shook his head. “I didn’t really look. Why?”

“I don’t know.” Jongin sighed. “He was — I thought…”  _ His laughter was so nice. _

Sehun raised an eyebrow. “Did you just fall for him?”

“What? No. I don’t even know him.” Jongin got up to his feet and started to slap-clean his bottom.

Sehun smacked his ass loudly, causing Jongin to yelp and a girl passing by them almost dropped her phone in surprise. “Your ass is fine.” he said. “Let’s go.

As planned, Jongin spent the rest of his day absolutely (and unnecessarily) wasted with Sehun, but he couldn’t stop thinking about the pretty guy. He stuck his head out through his window from time to time, so you know, just in case the guy might me standing in front of his window at two, or three, in the morning. 

The second time he got to see the pretty guy, Jongin had been napping on his favorite spot on campus. He woke up momentarily after a disturbing dream about a secret agent platypus, and there he was, sitting on the bench right next to Jongin’s. He had some books sprawled on the dark wooden table, and was typing something on his laptop. His fingers looked long and thin, even the sound him typing away was pretty. So gentle and calming.

Jongin’s instinct told him to go and introduce himself, maybe casually offer to hang out and get some coffee, lunch, dinner, and then a movie … but his thoughts were diminished just as quickly as it came by a warning. He had been sleeping, for what, an hour? What if his mouth smelled? He  _ had _ shoved down a garlic bread sandwich during his morning classes. Jongin quickly looked through his backpack’s front pocket to see if he had some gum. He usually did, but all he found was a crumpled piece of paper Sehun had used the other day to draw his dream house, which had soundproofed rooms and every single surface was sex-safe.

Since he wanted to give the pretty guy with the pretty laughter a good first impression, Jongin decided to give up for the moment. He settled for putting his head on his arms and discreetly watched the pretty stranger do his thing for a few minutes before reluctantly giving up from his seat to go to his next class.

That sunday, Jongin woke up in a very productive mood. He was actually in time for breakfast (courtesy of the amazing workers in the cafeteria) and watched people around him as he ate his fill. A girl with a pink and yellow oversized hoodie timidly put a chocolate bar on his table, bowed and hurried away. As she got to the exit, she looked over her shoulder and gasped when she met Jongin’s gaze.

It would have been easier and actually merciful to just burn down his room rather than to attempt cleaning it, but Jongin kind of needed the room to live, so he sighed, rolled up his sleeves and got to work. His bed sheet had almost completely come off from the bottom of his mattress, his table was housing more junk than it did actual educational tools that an intellectual like himself would use daily. The bottle of Fanta that Sehun had opened a few days ago was still on the ground, half-full. Ninety nine percent of his clothes were dirty and smelly and all crinkled up. The little pot of flower his sister had given him when he started school was looking pretty miserable and resentful.

Jongin changed his sheets, picked up all the trash scattered around his room, wiped his table clean and organized all his books and notebooks. He even thoroughly cleaned up his screen and laptop. After throwing away all the garbage, Jongin just needed to tackle his two giant laundry bags full of dirty clothes. 

On his way down, Jongin dropped by Sehun’s room, just to, you know, fuck with his friend. Jongin knocked, nobody answered. He knocked again, nobody answered this time either. So, naturally, Jongin started to bang his fist against the door like he was being chased by a goat until Sehun opened it, a murderous scowl on his swollen face.

“What?” Sehun snarled. “What? What? What? What is it? What do you want? Jongin, it’s sunday!”

Jongrin grinned and pinched Sehun’s cheek. “Good morning.”

“Good morning. Go choke.”

Jongin clicked his tongue in disapproval. “Be nice.”

“Good morning. Go choke. Please.”

“That’s better.”

Sehun groaned. “What do you want, Jongin?” he furiously rubbed his face with his hands and then smacked himself real hard, ending with the result of him looking like a particularly grumpy parrot with some serious feather issues.

“Nothing,” Jongin said innocently and truthfully. “You can go back to rotting in your bed now.” He looked over Sehun and saw a lump under Sehun’s baby blue sheets. “Or — to that.”

“Ah, don’t even remind me about it — didn’t even finish last night.” Sehun grumbled. “Some angry fish cracker came and started yelling at me.”

“Fish cracker?”

“They’re small,” Sehun offered as an explanation. “Focus, Jongin. Your best friend got yelled at. By a baby shrimp.”

“Interrupted you?”

“Yes! He was this angry little thing, you should have seen him. Whoa … seriously.” Sehun huffed and rolled his eyes. “If looks really could kill — and he was _loud_. _So_ _loud_. Ruined the whole mood, and he called me a nuisance to society and — don’t laugh!”

Jongin held his hands up, but kept laughing anyway. He would have paid good money to watch Sehun get yelled at like that. “Hey, calm down. I’m on your side.”

“Are you?”

“No.”

“Fucking bastard.”

“Yeah. So what happened afterwards?”

Sehun pouted. “I wanted to go _ fuck it _ and just continue, but she felt so bad that she said we should just go to sleep.”

“Awww, went to sleep hard, did we?”

“No,” said Sehun, as if it should be obvious. “I begged and convinced her to let me eat her out, being extra quiet and all. I came from that. It was awesome.”

Jongin whistled.

Sehun’s face immediately took a defensive stance. “What?”

“Nothing, Mr. Nuisance to Society. I would yell at you too, you know, if I could hear everything.”

Sehun smiled weakly. “Yeah, thank goodness for this weirdly thick ceiling between us. Tell me again, why is this floor different? Shouldn’t all the ceilings and the floors be as thick as each other?”

“I’m not sure. Junmyeon hyung explained it to me once but I wasn’t listening.”

“Naturally,”

“Yeah, but I do hear  _ some  _ stuff.” Jongin said, trying to sound stern. “Particularly loud screams are not welcome, Sehun. I can’t keep imagining you stubbing your toe everytime it happens. Who is she, by the way, and why do you keep trying to block my view? She’s under the sheets anyway.”

Sehun ignored the part about him being protective of her. “She’s an artist and has this really cute webtoon going on. Two years older than me and she’s amazing,” he said, looking over his shoulder briefly. “She might be the most fun I’ve ever had.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, go back in there.” Maybe brush your teeth and wash your face first. Blow your nose too. You don’t wanna scare her off with your ugly morning face. Don’t fix your hair though — too much.”

Sehun pulled a face, looking very ugly. “I don’t have an ugly morning face.”

“Everybody has an ugly morning face, Sehun.”

“Fine, I’ll get washed. I just hope she’s free today.”

“Damn,” Jongin slow-clapped. “Do you plan to do it all day?”

Sehun shifted on his feet and didn’t quite meet Jongin’s eyes as he spoke. “Maybe, I was just thinking … maybe we can do other stuff. Like I said, she’s fun.”

This was new. Sehun had (never spoken nor addressed) commitment issues, and Jonging felt like he should be extra careful, so as not to scare him off. “Maybe ask her if she’d like to grab a bite together. I’m sure she’d be hungry. If you think going out to eat sounds too date-y, then just order something. Yeah?”

Sehun nodded, nervously looking over his shoulder again. He licked his lips the way he did when he was nervous. “Yeah, okay. Yeah. Thanks, Jongin.”

Sehun’s smile was so warm and earnest that Jongin quickly pulled him into a hug, glad that he had made the decision to drop by, even if his intentions were to just annoy the shit out of Sehun.

But whatever happy feelings he had went down the drain when Sehun noticed Jongin’s laundry bags and then heaved one of his own and just threw it at Jongin, who instinctively caught it. If Sehun hadn’t just admitted liking someone, Jongin would have brought out a hammer to take down Sehun’s door and beat him with his dirty laundry bag, but, alas, Sehun  _ did  _ admit to having some feelings towards the girl under the sheets. Also, Sehun slammed the door right away on Jongin’s face and locked it. So Jongin sighed at his pathetic state and dragged the bags downstairs along with his body, knowing he was going to waste the rest of his morning by folding his best friend’s underwear.

The laundromat had three tall windows with no curtains, so the room was usually very warm and sunny, which made you feel better no matter how hard you were failing that semester. There was a long and wide windowsill that ran along all three windows — easily the best part of doing one’s laundry. You could open a window and just sit there and feel the breeze on your face and listen to the birds, or play a game of cards with your friends, or read a book, or catch up on your homework, or just simply bring a pillow and take a nap.

One this beloved spot, where the sun was shining generously, was a chubby cat curled into a ball, seemingly fast asleep. For a second, Jongin thought someone had forgotten their fuzzy sweater, until he noticed the sweater gently breathing. Other than the sweater cat, the room was empty.

Jongin left his bags on one of the high tables and went to the cat. It was a pretty little thing, so soft and peaceful looking, making Jongin, once again, wish he could experience a sleep the way cats did. He really wanted to touch the cat’s tiny nose, but knew better than to lose an eye.

The cat opened its eyes and looked at Jongin like he was the sorest sight it had ever seen.

“Hi,” Jongin whispered. “I’m sorry if I woke you up.”

The cat blinked lazily, turned on its back and yawned deeply. Then went back to sleep without sparing another glance at Jongin, who knew when he was being ignored by a cat, so he went back to his dirty laundry duty and got to work as quietly as possible.

Jongin started three different machines: one for his (and Sehun’s) whites; one for his (and Sehun’s) jeans and dark clothes; and one for his (and Sehun’s) colorful clothes.

Then he looked over the books on the small hand-made shelf that the students over the years had filled with books, magazines and boardgames, for anyone who got bored while waiting for their laundry to finish.

There was a book Jongin hadn’t seen the last time he was here, something about escaping from a psychopath’s library — judging by the title. Jongin wasn’t in the mood for mystery or thriller though.  _ Fangirl _ was, of course, there — three copies, actually — since it was one of the most popular books with laundry-doers. The copy of  _ Good Omens _ was so battered and old that the cover page was nearly torn in half. The poem book that made a cameo in  _ Goblin _ had a picture of winking Gong Yoo attached on the front, with little hearts drawn around his face. 

Craving something warm and cozy, to match the weather and his mood, Jongin picked out an ancient copy of _ Little Women _ . The book was soft and responsive in his hands, like a friendly pet from a very social family. Jongin took a seat on the corner of the windowsill, facing the mysterious cat, and snuggled himself against the wall. To his great surprise, the cat got up to its feet, stretched luxuriously and then came to rest on Jongin’s lap. Jongin almost cried.

“You’re so pretty,” he whispered and opened up his book.

Just as Jo and Laurie met for the first time, Jongin’s ears picked up the sound of something heavy and squishy making its way to the laundry room. A moment later emerged Chanyeol, dripping water from head to toe. He grinned at Jongin as if it was totally normal of him to go around looking like he was made of water.

“What happened, man?” Jongin said, making sure to keep his voice low. He didn’t want the fluff of sunshine to leave him sooner than it had to.

“Pissed off Junmyeon hyung. Totally worth it though.” Chanyeol said, taking off his clothes and putting them into the nearest washing machine.

Jongin wondered if Chanyeol was planning to go back to his room naked.

Chanyeol took off his t-shirt and spotted the cat on Jongin’s lap. “That’s Baekhyun cat.”

“Who is Baekhyun?”

“Really nice guy. Friends with Kyungsoo.”

“Who is Kyungsoo?”

“Friends with Baekhyun. Really nice guy, except that one time he barged into my stall when I was taking a shower and whacked my ass with a broomstick because he thought I was the asshole who kept masturbating in the bathroom. Any other questions?”

Jongin had so many. “Just one: Are you being useless on purpose or — ugh, ewww! Dude!” Jongin looked away and closed his eyes. “Dude, I didn’t want to see your bare ass!”

“What’s wrong with my ass?”

“It’s bare.”

“So? I was born like this.”

“ _ Pretty _ sure you weren’t born like that. Why did you even take off your underwear?” Jongin stared at the outside. Yes, the sky was good. The trees were good. Chanyeol’s naked ass, NOT good.

“It got wet. I can’t wear wet underwear, Jongin,” Chanyeol said, sounding like Jongin was being very stupid.

“ How are you going to —”

“Aha! Found it!” Chanyeol said triumphantly.

“Found what?”

  
  


“A pair of shorts. You can look now.”

Jongin carefully took a peek at Chanyeol, and he was assaulted with a hideous sight of Chanyeol wearing nothing but neon green shorts. It was so thin and translucent, it was only slightly better than Chanyeol’s bare skin.

“Where did you get that?”

“It was left in a machine. Someone always leaves something.”

Jongin ran his hand over the back of the cat, which made him feel so much better. “You don’t even know whose — What if it belongs to a girl, Chanyeol? How will you tell her that your balls touched her shorts?”

Chanyeol shrugged. Stealing someone’s clothing and putting it on his bare balls and ass was clearly nothing big to him. “Can I pet Wifi?” he nodded at the cat.

“Wifi?”

“Yeah, that’s her name. Baekhyun said everyone should know how important she was, just from her name.”

“That’s smart.”

“Yeah. So, can I pet her?”

“No.”

Chanyeol made a straight, unimpressed face. “Please.”

“No.”   
  


“I’ll buy you chicken tonight.”

“No — urgh, fine.”

Five chapters later, Jongin’s (and Sehun’s) clothes were washed and dried. Jongin bought a pack of single sausage for Wifi before folding his clothes. Then he went out to the building’s entrance to get a bottle of water from a vending machine, thinking he could buy an instant noodle and use the bowl of it to give some water to Wifi.

Two girls almost ran over him as he got out of the room. One of them collided into Jongin painfully hard.

“I’m so sorry!” the girl said, looking very tired and nervous.

“I’m sorry but have you seen Jongdae? Kim Jongdae?”

Jongin blinked. “Jongdae?”

“Short. Loud. Sly smile.”

“Yeah, I know Jongdae hyung. And no, I haven’t seen him. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you.” Jongin added, feeling bad at how distressed the girls looked. “Did — can I ask —”

“He stole our cock.”

Jongin’s brain came to a halt. “Your … cock.”

One of the girls smacked the other one’s arm. “Just say a rooster.” She turned to Jongin and smiled. “Jongdae stole our rooster.”

“Your … rooster.”

“Yes.”

“You have a rooster.”

“Yes.”

“And Jongdae hyung stole it.”

“Yes.”

“Your rooster.”

“Yes.”

“Jongdae hyung has a chicken.”

“Yes, a chick — no, I mean a rooster."

"Jongdae hyung has a rooster."

"Yes. It’s all very bad.”

“Why do you have a —”

All three of them looked up as the unmistakable sound of an angry, or stressed, rooster came from the floor above them, someone shrieked and then Jongdae’s ear blistering laughter echoed around.

The girls dashed upstairs, leaving Jongin alone and very confused. To make things worse, when he came back to the laundry room, Wifi was gone.  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, with nothing under my name: *puts leftover dinner into glass containers* oh wow look at me go yes I'm an adult now I've reached the peak that's it I'm done I did it.


	5. To All the Hot People I've Daydreamed About.

“I think one of the machines ate my underwear,” Jongin mumbled sadly, looking at the chicken bones on his plate. He had lost his favorite underwear, and now he had no chicken left.

Sehun was still chewing on some fried chicken of his own. He even had three drumsticks left on his plate. It wasn’t fair. He noticed Jongin eying them and pulled his plate closer to himself. “Nuh-uh,” he said. “Don’t even think about it, Nini.”

“I think one of the machines ate my underwear,” Jongin repeated himself, hoping the tragedy would inspire Sehun to share his food.

“Which one? The washing machine?” Sehun asked between mouthwatering bites, not showing the slightest interest in Jongin’s loss.

“No, the blender.”

“Don’t be a dipshit,” Sehun said calmly.

Jongin pouted and looked down at Sehun’s food.

“Stop that!”

“But,” Jongin pouted even harder. “my favorite underwear, Sehun! Have a heart.”

“The one with the rubik’s cube?”

“Yeah.” Jongin gulped, his saliva was getting out of control. It was not his fault that Sehun ate so slow, nor how Sehun’s food always looked so much better than his, even if they had gotten the same thing.

“Maybe it’s the universe sending you a message — that you won't’ be getting laid anymore.” Sehun said, licking his fingertip. “It’s your fault you got such arrogant underwear.” He picked up a drumstick and took a satisfyingly big bite and moaned like he just had his first bite of food in days, all the while keeping an eye-contact with Jongin — to solidify his taunting, Jongin guessed.

“Then why does the universe have to be so extra? They can just imprint the ground, or something.” Jongin made his voice deep. ”’ _ Jongin, son, no more humping for you,’  _ No need to separate me from my lucky underwear.”

Sehun snorted. “Yeah, cause that’s subtle. Besides, how do you know you lost it? Maybe you didn’t wash it today.”

“I did! I even remember putting it into the washing machine.” Jongin sighed miserably. “And I thought I was having a good day. Even had a cat for a bit.”

Sehun licked his fingertips. “A cat?”

“Yeah, she hang out with me today in the laundry room. I wasted 1200 won to get her some water but she disappeared. Probably went back to her human — according to Chanyeol, this guy named Baekhyun.”

“Baekhyun? Byun Baekhyun?”

“Dunno. Yeah, probably. Why? You know him?”

Sehun drank from his can of purple Fanta. “Nah, just heard the name somewhere. Anyway, maybe the universe sent the cat to show you how your sex life will be disappearing like that. Maybe you should get used to it, you know? No sex, no supposedly-lucky underwear, no cat, no seeing that cute guy you saw the other day again. I, on the other hand, will be — hey! No! Asshole!”

Jongin ran away as fast as he could, holding two drumsticks in his hands, laughing gleefully. Sehun’s slipper hit him on the back but it just made him laugh harder. He ate his prize happily in his room. As expected, stolen food tasted the best.

Day 1.

Jongin didn’t have a class until eleven on Mondays, so it was his one day of the weekdays where he actually had time to go to the gym. Well, he could wake up at dawn everyday, like all the gym monsters did, and got his workout before classes, but that would need him to, like, wake up at dawn.

When he arrived, Taecyeon spotted him immediately and waved happily. Jongin could swear that the dude just sensed any extra fat around. He was one of the happiest and fittest people on campus, with a rumour about him having thirty six teeth — courtesy of his friend, Lee Junho. He also apparently had a gorgeous girlfriend who was an office worker. Apparently the guy had decided to spend his last year of graduate school making everyone, and anyone he can get his hands on, fitter and healthier. 

“Just sent another duckling on his way. Hyung has some time for you too, don’t worry!” Taecyeon said cheerfully. Jongin put on the biggest and the fakest smile, and nodded, cursing himself mentally for basically offering himself up for a sacrifice. He was about to get twice as intense a workout he had intended to.

Sure enough, after just half an hour, sweat was dripping down, down, down from Jongin’s face and onto the floor as he groaned and pushed himself up from the floor.

And behold, Lee Junho himself, the crowned spawn of satan, decided to appear at that time. Naturally. 

Lee Junho was an infamous homme fatale, known throughout the whole city for his crazy charms and a powerful pair of ass. He was also a famous actor with some insane talents in dancing and singing. Nobody knew why he was still in school, or why he preferred to spend most of his time shit-talking about his friends and laugh in their faces.

Everytime Jongin did a full crunch, Junho was right there, grinning at him and eating ice cream. Then he proceeded to follow them around, mainly telling Jongin embarrassing stories about Taecyeon. 

“Did I ever tell you about that one time how this one literally broke his arm because he wanted to beat me in armwrestling so badly?” Junho tutted. “One should be wiser than to challenge the favorite of the mother planet.”

“Stop distracting him!” Taecyeon whined with his massive body.

“Yes, you did,” Jongin groaned out, in the middle of a gruesome bench pressing set. “Everyone on campus knows. I heard you go around ordering the freshman to spread the word.”

Junho grinned, looking very handsome and devious.

“Whoa, how cheap and expected of you,” Taecyeon said. Then to Jongin, “Just two more sets, Jongin, come on.”

So Jongin paid the price for Junho’s big mouth with his biceps and chest, while Junho recounted a touching story of how Taecyeon got dumped in the very gym they currently were. Twice.

Day 2.

There was a downpour of rain all day, by noon warnings had been issued and classes had been cancelled. Jongin spent the entire day with Sehun, eating junk and blasting brains online. Sehun seemed extra happy, he didn’t even try to tickle Jongin to pay back for the stolen drumsticks, which was very suspicious and unsettling.

A few hours later Sehun got killed by a foul-mouthed player from the opposite team — probably some eleven year old. Sehun made a screeching noise and in his haste to throw his hands up to express his frustration, he knocked over his bottle of coke zero. Jongin sighed and got up to get a box of tissue from his windowsill, heroically leaving his avatar in the middle of a battle, defenseless and vulnerable.

The rain had stopped, so Jongin opened the window to get some air in, since he figured all the burping and the farting he and Sehun were doing in Jongin’s tiny room was not good for their respiratory system. And that was when he saw the cat — Wifi. She was, apparently, strolling out of their dorm building, walking slowly and confidently, as if she owned the world. She probably did.

“Jongin,”

“Hang on,” Jongin said, wanting to see where Wifi was going to go.

“Jongin, it’s spreading everywhere.”

“Yeah. Too late anyway. Just a sec.”

“Jongin, you died twice. That little shit demoted you too.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Jongin!”

“Ow!” Jongin rubbed the back of his head and looked down at the bottle of hand lotion Sehun had thrown at him. He got a handful of tissues and went to wipe the mess his asshole of a friend had made. “You know, one of these days, your habit of throwing whatever’s nearest whenever you get mildly annoyed is going to get your ass beaten to a pulp. And I’ll be there.” Jongin promised, throwing away the wet tissues. “To tell you  _ I told you so _ .”

“Yeah, yeah. Come on, I wanna make this kid cry.”

Jongin sat down. “You’re the kind of person parents should be worried about their kids meeting online.” 

His phone buzzed, so Jongin, to Sehun’s further frustration, checked it. “Hey, Chanyeol hyung wants to hang out tonight.”

Sehun nodded. “Yeah, okay. Tell him he’s buying though. It’s the least he can do for almost burning my dick off that time.”

Jongin sniggered. “That was a good day.”

“Fuck off. When’s he coming?”

“Mmmm … in three hours.”

“What? Why?”

Jongin asked Chanyeol. “He says he has an essay to write. Due date is tonight.”

Sehun whistled. “Shall we nap before he comes? I can’t drink all night without proper preparation. I’m aging, man.”

Jongin wrote a reply to Chanyeol and threw his phone onto his bed. “Yeah. Let’s just finish this round.

They ended up finishing eight more rounds after that. Finally Jongin wrestled Sehun out of his chair and dropped him on the floor. Then he took out his shitty sleeping bag and threw it at Sehun; his bed was too small for both of them to sleep in, especially since Sehun (uselessly) had really wide shoulders. Sehun could have gone back to his room, but he really hated sleeping alone. So much so that sleeping on Jongin’s dirty, uncomfortable floor was the better choice, unless he found someone to sleep with in his room.

“Sleep tight, babe,” Jongin said, closing up the curtains.

“Sweet dreams, dipshit,” Sehun muttered.

Jongin took off his clothes until he was left only with his underwear (with two cat paws on the butt area), and got into his bed. “Sehun?”

“Yes, darling?”

“You know that guy I saw the other day? In the park?”

“Dunno. Yeah, what about him?”

“I think I have a crush on him.”

Sehun shifted around in his sleeping bag on the floor before speaking. “Shit, Jongin, give me a pillow at least. Did you meet him?”

Jongin threw his spare pillow at Sehun’s general direction without bothering to look. “Nah. I did see him again though. He was studying, and you had gobbled up all my gums so I couldn’t talk to him.”

“Then how do you know you like him? Love at first sight, or something like that? Did your future pass before your eyes? Big apartment with a killer view and two doggies?”

Jongin mulled that over. “I don’t know. I just … I just wanna see him again. How do I — without being creepy, that’s important — find him?”

“Shit should I know,” Sehun said softly, with no bite. Jongin wiggled his feet against each other. “If it’s fate, you’ll see him again.”

“I hope so. I really really wanna see him again. Sehun, don’t you think it’s amazing how having a crush changes your whole day? Even if you’re miserable in class, you’re not actually that miserable because you have a crush, and you can think about them the whole day. You feel good and energetic, and you can’t stop smiling. When I was in eleventh grade —”

Sehun’s soft snore filled the room, and Jongin chuckled. He turned to his side and closed his eyes. Jongin imagined himself having lunch at his favorite cafe with the stranger. He would recommend the Pinku Pinku cake, the stranger would love it, and he would smile at him and thank him. Jongin would say a joke and then the stranger would laugh, that genuine, messy bark of laughter just spilling out...

Chanyeol came bearing a bunch of drinks and hot food. Together, the three of them devoured the food and drank leisurely while watching a random Game of Thrones episode.

“I hate this bastard so much,” Jongin said, wanting nothing more than to shove an entire toilet down Ramsay’s throat.

“Can you believe he’s actually worse in the books?” Sehun said, grimacing.

“Never thought I’d feel bad for Theon. How do actors even — ” Chanyeol shook his head. “Talent, man.”

They watched as Ramsay went on a cute little date with his girlfriend by hunting a human being. Reek — Theon Greyjoy — did his best to keep up, wobbling after the happy couple.

“Natalie Dormer is so hot,” Chanyeol said wistfully a little while later, as the wedding ceremony started. “Look at her. Doesn’t she look so smart? Look at that smile. Her eyes — she knows what’s up, man.”

Sehun nodded. “And she just  _ nailed _ this part. All the actors, really. Damn. I mean, I wanna put Joffrey in a sack and swing it against the wall repeatedly, but that just shows exactly how much of a great job all these actors are doing. It’s incredible.”

“Sehun had the biggest crush on Natalie Dormer during her Tudors days.” Jongin said. 

Chanyeol quickly searched something on his phone. “It says the show came out in two thousand and seven. Weren’t you like, thirteen?”

Sehun chewed up on some green Pringles. “I think I was fifteen when I first watched the show. I wanted her to tie me up so bad,” Sehun said casually. 

Chanyeol promptly choked on his drink and got his shirt wet. Then he whistled, pretending like nothing had happened. He threw an alarmed look at Jongin, who just shrugged. He had gotten used to random bursts of Sehun’s issues coming out. 

“You got good taste — even back then.” Chanyeol managed to sound normal. “I was into Hinata. 360p on Youtube Hinata, mind you.”

Jongin chuckled. “Finding 480p videos felt better than the first time I touched myself.”

“Hinata?” Sehun said. “How do I know that name?”

“From Naruto — The shy girl with white eyes?” Chanyeol prompted.

“Oh yeah. I liked Kakashi.”

Chanyeol turned at him. “Kakashi’s a guy.”

“So?”

“I thought you were straight.”

“No, I'm bi, but that's okay, I'm usually with girls. Besides, sexuality doesn’t matter when it comes to a few very special people.” Sehun said. “Kakashi’s one of them.”

“Hmmm, true. Kakashi’s older. Like, he’s an adult.”

“Yeah, so?”

“Nothing.”

Chanyeol sent a pleading look at Jongin, who pretended like he didn’t notice it.

They spent the rest of the night naming and talking about people who were too hot for any sexuality to handle. Real or fictional.

“Alexandra Daddario,” Sehun nearly moaned. “Who has eyes like that? They’re like the colors of the ocean and the sky and the moon. Ever changing and always beautiful. And her skin is flawless. And her …” Sehun gingerly put his hands on his chest and sighed. “I’d give anything to even get a smile from her.”

Chanyeol looked her up on his phone and frowned. “Sehun … she’s like thirty this year.”

Sehun still looked quite out of it, holding his non-existent boobs. “So?”

“So you have issues!” Jongin said, hoping he sounded cheerful enough. “Not that there’s anything wrong with it.” he quickly added, wary of the cell phone holder near Sehun.

“Age is just a number,” Sehun said calmly, much to Jongin’s relief. “It’s not like I’m saying I’m into wrinkly and all melted up people. She doesn’t even have to be older than me. I just have high standards, and many of my crushes happen to be older. Older people have their shit together, you know?”

  
Chanyeol snapped his fingers excitedly. “Eva Green!”

Sehun grinned. “Exactly.”

“Kim Hee Ae,” Jongin said, suddenly remembering. “She was flawless in the Secret Affair. Of course I was also very distracted by Yoo Ah In, who has a voice like that? And that orgasm scene?” Jongin shook his head. “It was beautiful.”

Sehun and Chanyeol nodded, both obviously mentally going through their memories.

Several real humans and cartoon characters later, Jongin admitted — quite loudly for some unknown reason. He just felt like shouting — his fantasies about that cute Peter Pan coming to his room at night and taking him away to Neverland.

“How many times —” Sehun hiccoughed. He was also looking slightly to Jongin’s left. “Be honest now, Nini. How many times did you watch that movie?”

Jongin was starting to find it hard to sit still. The ground was calling for him, pulling him down. “I never counted, but I can say for sure at least twenty five —”

Chanyeol shrieked. “TWENTY FIVE?”   
  


Jongin shrugged. “Hey, I was like eleven, or twelve. I had nothing to do. We had the DVD, it had these bonus sections with behind the scene parts. For a while, I pretty much watched it everyday. I also think the movie contributed greatly to my English.”

“That’s insane.”

“That’s a crush for you.” Sehun interjected. He got up from the floor. “Who wants more beer?”

“Me!” Jongin and Chanyeol both answered dutifully, raising their hands and stuff.

Sehun crossed his legs and posed like a douchebag, with his hips jutting out and one hand on Jongin’s desk for no reason. “Call me oppa.”

“Fuck off,” Jongin said, at the same time Chanyeol happily screamed. “Oppa!”

It was going to be a long night, and the day wasn’t even over yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know. I'm a butt. I'm sorry for the very late update. Ran into very tiring weeks lol. 
> 
> I just wanna watch the last episode of Wild Bunny before I die. Even if it's on 360p on Youtube, that's how I watched all the episodes years and years ago lmaooooooo I'm old. 
> 
> Also, Jongin was talking about the Peter Pan movie that came out in 2003. Jeremy Sumpter literally got my heart beating fast for the longest time. Good days ... good days.


	6. I Wrote This to Avoid Being Honest with Myself

Getting jackhammered was fun for various reasons: you forgot your problems for a while, sometimes you cried and vented out your frustrations, and thus releasing some of the stress you didn’t even know you were carrying. When done right and occasionally, jackhammering with friends was a lot of fun. The best of all though, you got to enjoy all the weird drunken habits of your beloved friends.

There was the weeper, the hugger, the kisser, the ex-lover caller, the yeller, the puncher, the eater, the singer, the biter, the licker, the barker, the vomitor, the sleeping beauty, the thief, the preacher, and the scratcher. The list went on and on. There was always a new habit to be discovered and filmed for blackmailing purposes (Jongin had particularly interesting pictures of Junmyeon that he saved for the dark days).

Jongin didn’t know his own drunk habit, none of the things he did when he was drunk gave him hints. Maybe he just didn’t have one.

Sehun always had brilliant ideas when he was drunk. He would plan out adventures, write down ways to make the world a better place, and make evil schemes to get back at that one kid who peed on Sehun when they were both four. The day after, they would find out that Sehun’s plans were actually as shitty as any plan could be. It always sounded so good when they were drunk though, and that was all that mattered.

And Chanyeol? Well, Chanyeol’s habit was the most useful … to everyone but him.

“I love you guys,” Chanyeol slurred, arms on Jongin and Sehun’s shoulders. “I feel like I don’t tell you that enough.” he turned his face at Jongin, who had to momentarily stop breathing because of the intense smell of alcohol pouring out of Chanyeol’s big mouth, and said, “I love you, Jongin.”

Then he turned to Sehun and repeated the same, to which Sehun replied with a snort and said if Chanyeol really loved him, he would go out and get him all the purple Fantas in the vending machine on their floor.

So that’s how at an ungodly hour, Sehun and Jongin stood watching as Chanyeol wrestled with a vending machine because his foot was stuck in it.

Jongin tilted his head closer at Sehun. “How did he get his foot stuck in there again?”

Sehun took a step backwards and leaned against the wall. “I … don’t know. Be quiet, he’s going to make me rich.”

“How?”

“I’m going to sell those Fantas, of course. Don’t be a dumbass.”

Chanyeol cursed, smacked the machine in the side. He turned at them and grinned. “Will be just a minute now,”

“Just leave it hyung,” Jongin yawned. “I wanna sleep.”

Sehun smacked Jongin’s arm. “Dude!” he hissed. “Don't ruin my plan.”

“No, no, I can do this,” Chanyeol insisted. “I love you and I’ll show you that.”

Jongin decided not to question Sehun’s plan to get rich with some cans of carbonated drinks. Because Sehun had a habit of throwing whatever he could get his hands on at you whenever he got mildly annoyed, and sure they were all alone and Sehun had nothing to grab hold of, but if there was nothing he could throw at you, Sehun had a habit of smacking you in the face whenever he got mildly annoyed. Sehun had long arms. Sehun had big hands. Sehun was an excellent smacker. Jongin did not want to get smacked again.

“Why’s he being weird like this?” Sehun whispered. “And do you know how much tax I’ll have to pay? People do that, right? Pay taxes. Apparently my parents pay tax every year for our apartment. Jongin, did you know that you have to pay for owning a place to live? It’s not like we own a fucking island. Also, for cars. Jongin, I’ll have to pay taxes if I ever get a car. Where do you pay taxes? Can you do it online? Or will I have to face a stranger for that? Maybe you should become a person who gets the taxes so I won’t have to face a stranger, what do you think?”

Jongin didn’t know a single dot about taxes, and he wasn’t sure about becoming a person who took the tax money, but he did know why Chanyeol was being determined about getting Sehun what he wanted.

“Hyung got dumped three times in eighty-eight days,” Jongin said, careful to keep his voice low, but, for some reason, the words echoed around the empty hall anyway. “He met really… materialistic girls, and the third one said some hurtful words when she dumped him, about Chanyeol hyung not showing his love enough. Apparently she asked him to buy this bag that was like, what, three million won?”

Sehun gasped and started to cough, apparently choking on his own spit. Chanyeol was frozen on his spot, his hands gripping the vending machine tightly, his foot still stuck inside.

“What does the bag  _ do _ ?” Sehun asked, sounding outraged, and then he hiccoughed. “Pay your taxes and rub your feet every night? Seriously Jongin, this tax thing is annoying me. You should do some research on it.”

“I met her once, you know?” Jongin recalled, shaking his head in disgust. “I knew, at once, that she was bad news.”

Chanyeol turned around, his big eyes brimming with tears. “How did you know? And why didn’t you tell me? Also, I got dumped three times in  _ three months _ .”

“No, it was eighty-eight days. I remember because you kept wanting to round it up. Technically, you got dumped three times in  _ two months _ .”

“That’s horrible,” Sehun whispered. “What a loser.”

“Three months, Jongin.” Chanyeol said, while Sehun continued to whisper-chant  _ loser loser loser _ . 

“Eighty-eight days,” Jongin said.

“Three months, please.”

“Eighty-eight days,”

“Nobody even says eighty-eight days!” Chanyeol exclaimed. “You sound like a douche. Three months.”

Jongin stood his grounds, which was soft and wobbly under his feet. “No douche would tell the truth like I’m doing now. Eighty-eight days.”

“Three months. I’m begging for thrice dumped in three months, have mercy.”

Jongin blinked, had his bladder been this heavy all this time? “Eighty-eight days.”

“What do you have AGAINST ME?” Chanyeol cried, whimpering. “THREE MONTHS!”

“EIGHTY-EIGHT DAYS!” Jongin and Sehun both yelled back.

“FINE!” Chanyeol roared and slammed his head against the cursed vending machine. “How did you know she was bad news? And why didn’t you tell me?”

Jongin scoffed. “It was obvious! Her nails had that cat pattern.”

“A what?”

“Leopard pattern,” Jongin said, snapping his fingers loudly. “Yep, that is it. Leopard pattern is bad, bad news unless someone over sixty is wearing it, because that just means they don’t give a fuck.”

Chanyeol made a mocking sound. “And here I thought you might have an actual point that could help me.”

“No, no, he does,” Sehun said, still hiccuping every few seconds. “Jongin hates leopard patterns.”

“How is that a point, and why?”

Sehun shrugged. “Something about porn?” he turned to Jongin.

Jongin shook his head, holding his crotch tightly. “No, no, that’s the stupid platform shoes thing.”

“Oh yeaaaaah,” Sehun said. “Why are you grabbing your dick? And what’s wrong with your knees?”

“I gotta go to the toilet. Get Chanyeol hyung out of here. Don’t mock him for getting dumped three times in eighty-eight days, okay?” Jongin lowered his voice and beckoned Sehun to come closer. “He’s really sensitive about that.”

Sehun nodded dutifully and kissed Jongin’s cheek. Chanyeol watched Jongin shuffle away, with a pure rage on his face for some reason. 

The rest of their shenanigans went in a blur. Jongin emptied his bladder — easily the best part of the night. When he came back, Sehun had a bloody nose and a missing Chanyeol. Apparently after Jongin left, some short dude came out and had started yelling at them. He threw something at Chanyeol, who had incredibly found it in himself to dodge the flying object, which then hit Sehun, who was standing behind Chanyeol in his effort to pull him away from the vending machine, in which Chanyeol’s foot was still stuck. 

Sehun wiped the blood off with his t-shirt, and off they went to find Chanyeol, which wasn’t hard considering the loud commotion coming from the outside where some students were cheering. 

They found him going at another vending machine with a baseball bat. Jongin nearly got his head knocked off his shoulders, someone climbed on his back and tried to bite his ears off. Sehun slapped Chanyeol repeatedly — “to put some sense into him” he would say later on. Sehun also threw a bunch of stuff that came out of the vending machine at the crowd, who just cheered louder. Someone poured ice cold water on them and yelled at them to keep quiet. People cursed. The security came. Jongin bowed and apologized. Then everything went black. 

He woke up on his bed, way way earlier than he would have liked to, because something was digging onto his back and it was also vibrating and it was also playing some classical music really loudly.

Jongin arched his back, grabbed his phone, declined the call and tossed it on the floor. The fucker just started to play the same music again after just two seconds. He cursed and put his head under his pillow but the music was still very loud, very annoying, and his bladder took that moment to remind him he needed to pee again.

He cursed and wiggled his way out of the bed, keeping as much of his body on the floor for support.

“What? What do you want? What do you want, Sehun?” Jongin snarled, thinking the light of his phone screen probably injured his brain permanently.

Sehun sounded way too okay for someone who spent the same amount of time as Jongin, consuming about the same amount of alcohol. “Nini, good morning. I need you to go to my class for me.”

Jongin’s grip was so tight he was surprised he hadn’t crushed his phone. “What did you just say to me?” he whispered as menacingly as possible.

It didn’t work on Sehun. “I said I need you to go to my class for me,” he said softly, as if Jongin just didn’t hear him the first time. “Attendance makes like thirty percent of my grade, so I need to go. I mean, I need you to go instead of me.”

Jongin hit his head on the floor. “Why me?” he grumbled. “Why can’t you just go?”

“I’ll tell you later.”

“No.”

“Jongin,”

“No, I’m gonna go back to sleep now. Bye bye,”

“I’ll kiss you,”

“Ew, no,”

“You can have my all my future leftovers,”

“You suck at bribing people, you know that?”

“Okay, then, I’ll buy you dinner.”

“Better, but no, but buy me one anyway. You owe me for that stupid snot on coat incident.”

Sehun chuckled. “That was funny. I’ll make all of those stupid charts you need for your economy class..”

“I already did.”

“You’ll probably get an F, at best. She’ll make you do it again.”

“How dare you.”

“You know I’m right.”

“I know, but still, how dare you.”

“You’re already awake now. The class starts in twenty minutes, you can get there in five. Come on, I’m your best friend.” Sehun grunted. “Just stay low and raise your hand when he calls your name — my name. I mean when he calls my name.”

Jongin picked his head back up. “Why are you making weird sounds? Are you — Oh Sehun, if you’re having sex while talking to me on the phone … then just THAT IS IT! Ow, ow, ow, ow, my head,” Jongin groaned and put his head on the floor again. “No yelling, okay?”

“No yelling,” Sehun agreed. “I’m not having sex, Jongin.”

“Okay, good.”

“I’m having the best head of my life.”

“YOU SCUM!” Jongin’s head did not like him yelling again. It felt like his head was doing its best to split in half while his brain was fighting to keep it intact. Like the way Spider Man did with the train, and then later on with the ship.

“Nini, drink some water, take a pill for your headache and go. You can’t be late. Professor Tablo makes you do embarrassing stuff if you’re late. I’m pretty sure he’ll notice that you’re not me.”

Jongin couldn’t believe Sehun was still trying to get him to take a bullet for him. So he was getting a head, the best one of his life, so what? Jongin’s brain cells were running around, trying to make a sense out of the situation. Then he saw some light.

“Sehun?”

“Yes?”

“Is it her?”

Jongin heard Sehun gulp loudly. “Yes,”

“Wow, good for you.”

“Yeah,”

Well, if it was  _ her _ , then there was really only one thing to do. “Sucks to be you, bye!” Jongin brought his phone down to end the call but Sehun’s frantic yells stopped him.

“Okay! Okay! He’s in my class! That Baekhyun guy is in my class!”

“Again, who’s Baekhyun? Is he famous or — “ something dinged in Jongin’s head, he closed his eyes. “It’s him, isn’t it? The cute guy?”

“Ah, I don’t know about the  _ cute _ part, but yeah, it’s him.”

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” Jongin hissed. “All this time, you could have introduced me —”

“Because I didn’t know, okay?” Sehun hissed back. “He’s also the hamster who harassed me by the way.”

“Good for you,” Jongin spat.

“So, will you go? He’s never late and he always sits alone, I bet you could sit next to him.”

A full hour with the prettiest guy Jongin ever got to lay his eyes on? Jongin could have been shot multiple times but he still would have made it to class.

“You’re so lucky that he’s so pretty,” he said to Sehun, who snorted and then moaned. “And stop changing my ringtone, you dipshit.”

“Aw come on, it’s a  _ classic _ joke!”

Jongin hung up his phone. He had a beauty to meet, and a date to ask for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why face your problems when you can ignore them and continue to feel like shit?


End file.
